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Women and Grief
Women,
Mourning, and Grief
Mourning after the
death of a friend or family member is normal and goes through predictable
stages. However, grief is an abnormal process where mourning is prolonged,
delayed, or otherwise unresolved. Unresolved grief may contribute to women's
higher rates of depression, anxiety and other psychological disorder as well as
hurt the lungs and the Qi. Women are
three to four times more likely to seek professional help when a loved one dies.
Part of this difference may be due to women's less aversion to seeing
therapists. Women's average reaction may be more functional in the long run than
the average man's. Stoicism may have long-term or hidden consequences, but this
is all speculated and has yet to be demonstrated clearly.
Women's increased vulnerability to grief and dysfunction after a loved one's
death is mostly social. Women define themselves more in terms of their
relationships with others. Women are the primary caregivers. They may feel
responsible for not preventing death (in their children) or conflicted about
being relieved of the responsibilities of care giving (aged parents) Also, many
women are dependent on others for financial support and social standing.
Pregnancy loss is a uniquely female experience and has hormonal as well as
emotional fall-out.
Three Types
Of Abnormal Grief
Chronic or Dependent
Grief When a woman's
identity and self-image is too heavily enmeshed in the lost loved one, grief can
become chronic and unresolving. Interaction and availability of the loved are
essential for the woman's emotional functioning. The woman feels she is not
strong, caring, or competent alone. Typically, this affects longtime married
women who were homemakers. This is the most common form of abnormal grief
reaction.
Distorted or Unexpected Loss Grief Deaths associated with sudden and
unnatural causes like suicide, homicide, and accidents are common here. Women
are more prone to Post-traumatic stress disorder and this type of grief is
closely associated with it. The woman can experience easy startling, flashback,
nightmares, and recurrent thoughts of the death, and flattened emotional response
and numbing. The woman's required participation in official investigations or
trials related to the death can promote this type of grief reaction. The three
Vs -- violence, violation, and volition make a woman high risk. That means if
the death was caused by violence, if the loved one was a victim in some way,
and/or woman gets preoccupied with establishing blame or bringing justice to her
loved one. If there is media coverage of the death and/or illegal or socially
unacceptable behaviors of the loved one involved, women are also at higher risk.
Delayed or Conflicted Grief When a woman has mixed feelings about the lost
loved one, this type of grief reaction can happen. Typical situations for women
involve death of a parent. Death of parent she was the caregiver for if that
caused her to be overloaded is classic. But, even death of a parent she did not
completely care for can bring up issues. Often today's midlife women have done
more than their share of tending to older parents, yet they grew up in families
where their brothers were favored. This gap causes unresolved conflict that may
bubble up at the parent's death. And any unresolved issues with parents can lead
to this. Unexpressed anger can turn towards the self and lead to depression.
Another common situation for women is death of a child through violence, suicide
or accident. She may feel anger at the child for his/her role in the death, but
at the same time feel her upbringing of the child was inadequate.
